Dear Therapist: My Boyfriend’s Depression Is Making Me Question Our Future Together

Depression builds walls around people and between people. When someone you love has been dragged inside those walls, there can be a distance between you both that feels relentless. Not in the way you both want to be anyway. The symptoms of depression exist on a spectrum. Not everyone who has depression will have a formal diagnosis, so knowing what to watch out for can help to make sense of the changes you might notice. Depression looks like a withdrawal. It feels that way too. Depression sucks the life out of life. When depression bites, everything becomes hard.

How to Use the 5 Love Languages in a Long-Distance Relationship

If you are reading this, you are likely also living with the ebb and flow of mental illness. You may have a front row seat to the hard days, hopeless nights and the unique challenges that lie between. The following is for you. You need to know that you are worthy of love. You are worthy of a love that wraps itself around your struggles and embraces you with compassion and gentle understanding.

When my partner Max was struggling with depression, I tried to be everything to him—but sometimes, you need to let the people you love seek.

Depression is one of the most helpless and frustrating experiences a person can have. There are times when depression can leave someone feeling paralyzed in their own mind and body, unable to do the things they used to love to do or the things they know they should be doing. A silent hug can do so much more than using cliched sayings.

I believe in you. What can I do to help you? What do you think would make you feel better? Be patient.

Your Mental Health Matters

Dating someone with depression can be an intimidating prospect, but by understanding a few basics you can set the stage for a strong and loving relationship. By acknowledging your own needs and getting involved in their healing process , you can support both your partner and yourself as you embark on this new adventure. Starting a relationship can be an exhilarating time; everything is new and exciting and there is so much to discover.

I feel alone. My girlfriend and I have been long distance dating for a while now. She has struggled with depression. I am fine with her condition.

It is definitely an emotional roller coaster. Whether one of you has departed after an amazing visit, the length between visits is becoming unbearable or just not being able to express yourself physically and emotionally in the way that you want with your partner, and many other similar situations, can impact our mental health. We’re all human and it gets tough when we know we can’t have what we want! But when the sadness becomes a daily companion and long distance relationship depression starts to set in, it is important to recognize it to have the best opportunity to deal with it.

This is an issue that is very important to us. We truly hope what we’ve put together can act as the building blocks for you or your partner to getting back on the right track. It’s sounds easy doesn’t it? Just open your mouth and let it all come out. But in reality talking about depression is damn hard.

Online forums

Relationships take work—and lots of it. They used to get really excited about stuff, or be interested in various hobbies. Of course, everybody feels down from time to time. Plus, how to make sure you always preserve your own mental health and happiness. In addition to emotional changes, Dr. Or, it might be something else entirely.

Hey everyone! So my problem is that I am currently here in Australia, while my boyfriend is at home in Germany. He’s always shown depressive.

Everyone feels sad or down from time to time, but this does not necessarily mean you are depressed. Depression is an intense feeling of sadness that lasts for a long time, sometimes weeks, months or years. If you are depressed, it can start to interfere with your day-to-day life, wellbeing and physical health. Men may not recognise they have depression. If they do acknowledge it to themselves, they are often reluctant to talk about it or seek help.

But depression is treatable, and the sooner you recognise the symptoms, the sooner you can recover. Sometimes depression has no apparent cause. Other times it may be caused by different factors such as:. Everyone experiences some of these feelings or behaviours from time to time. However, for people experiencing depression, the feelings are severe, and they do not go away over time. There are several myths about depression that can make men reluctant to talk about or seek help for their depression.

What I’ve learned from supporting a boyfriend with severe depression

Dating is hard enough as it is. What about his or her mental health history? Still, here are a few suggestions for how to try to make it work with a significant other who is struggling, or how to let them go. It is just another part of his or her identity. It is another layer that you must now decide whether or not you can not only tolerate, but accept and live with. Buckle your seat belt.

Dear Therapist: My Boyfriend’s Depression Is Making Me Question Our Future Together. I want to be there for him, but his depressive episodes.

No one teaches us how to navigate a relationship when mental illness or depression enters the equation. I recently read a Washington Post article by a woman whose relationship was torn apart while she and her partner tried to deal with his depression. Last year when I plunged into a depressive episode during our relationship, my partner was at a loss. He had never dealt with this and wanted so badly to help, but had no idea what to do. Sure we hit bumps along the road, but in the end I felt loved, supported, and understood in a way I never had before during a depressive episode, and he felt like he knew what was going on—a big deal in this situation—and was equipped to deal with it.

It operates on the notion that the not-depressed partner is wonderful and selfless for standing by the partner with depression. They should therefore feel so lucky their partner is generously taking them on—ergo, broken and lucky. This means trying to follow their lead. Listening more than you talk. Trusting each other.

Long-distance relationship

These forums are a place where you can ask other young people advice on dealing with tough times and share your advice on what has worked for you. Please remember that it does not replace professional advice. Join the online community Login to post. So my problem is that I am currently here in Australia, while my boyfriend is at home in Germany. We used to have a really loving, close relationship, even after I started my time abroad.

However, the past two months his behaviour changed and we seemed to fight about the same topic over and over: He had stopped putting in the effort he used to put in, I constantly had to fight for affection of any kind, I felt like he had lost interest in what I told him and me in general.

Here are some signs of a healthy relationship: Being yourself: you feel comfortable around the person you’re dating. Changing yourself to please someone else.

Skip navigation! Story from Relationships. When you spend so much time away from your partner, absence doesn’t exactly sound like a good thing. But, there might actually be some advantages to an LDR. LDRs, on the other hand, provide plenty of opportunity for spontaneity. An LDR is also great for people who are busy outside of their relationships. Vallejos personally enjoys long-distance relationships because she’s busy throughout the week anyway.

Still, whether you’ve found yourself in an LDR out of necessity or because that type of relationship makes more sense for your life, it’s no secret that you have to try harder to connect with your partner when they don’t live nearby. It’s not easy, and it doesn’t always work. So, we talked with Dr.

Vellejos and two other experts to find out the hallmarks of a healthy long-distance relationship. Read ahead for signs that your relationship is going to last. Read these stories next:. Ella Paradis is heating up the remaining weeks of summer by blessing Refinery29 readers with a rare opportunity to score one of its top-rated remote-contro.

Setting Boundaries with a Person with Depression

It started in college. He served in the military while I studied at a university in California. After two years of mostly virtual dating, we married, and I transferred colleges to be near his base in Colorado.

Here are some ways you can speak your guy’s love language from far away. Physical Touch. Let’s start with the hardest one, shall we? Long.

I’m 21 and a student at uni. Despite the long distance relationship for the past year, we text every day and support each other emotionally. Her self-esteem is very low and she has told me she hates herself. I have my own life and worries of course, but I love her and want to do right by her. She means a lot to me. But sometimes I think I may be making her depression worse.

We get into heated discussions about abstract issues over text, she gets frustrated over not being able to express herself properly and even physically harms herself.

Dating Someone With Anxiety